he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
