I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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