i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
