New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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