Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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