I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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