I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
