I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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