who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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