I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm having to shit out rocks
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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