I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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