haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
