I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
