last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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