She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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