soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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