Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
