guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
