TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
