so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
