If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
