I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
