boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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