he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her