Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".

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  (847): Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy". http://tfl.nu/atvg
  Replies (19) Good night (1137) Bad night (2385)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile

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  (309): Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile http://tfl.nu/cr7n
  Replies (27) Good night (1293) Bad night (2750)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check

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  (847): there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check http://tfl.nu/dzvq
  Replies (7) Good night (4161) Bad night (1431)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal

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  (703): I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal http://tfl.nu/8ovb
  Replies (2) Good night (2147) Bad night (957)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described

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  (405): Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described http://tfl.nu/ywvl
  Replies (7) Good night (1839) Bad night (970)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.

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  (262): i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching. (715): okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference. http://tfl.nu/rrjb
  Replies (11) Good night (4380) Bad night (1153)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.

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  (407): If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life. http://tfl.nu/zp1p
  Replies (11) Good night (1028) Bad night (2563)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress

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  (757): do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress http://tfl.nu/1usj
  Replies (4) Good night (1212) Bad night (488)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.

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  (850): He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable. http://tfl.nu/zo4w
  Replies (7) Good night (834) Bad night (1085)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with

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  (860): Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with http://tfl.nu/09mm
  Replies (5) Good night (1291) Bad night (624)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...

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  (330): I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay... http://tfl.nu/3ns8
  Replies (9) Good night (474) Bad night (1091)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.

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  (813): Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now. http://tfl.nu/4fdt
  Replies (13) Good night (757) Bad night (515)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.

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  (320): It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus. http://tfl.nu/y9c1
  Replies (1) Good night (818) Bad night (336)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.

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  (575): I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone. http://tfl.nu/i4rk
  Replies (3) Good night (366) Bad night (505)
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  (925): View more from California

  Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha

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  (925): Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha http://tfl.nu/s6cd
  Replies (2) Good night (397) Bad night (231)

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