How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
