i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He shit in the fireplace
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
