I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He better not be in your backpack
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
