oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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