Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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