to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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