Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
