just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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