Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
