I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
