I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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