first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
