I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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