I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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