Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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