i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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