I bet he comes in French.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
