Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
