I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
