take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
sex in a hospital.. check
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
