Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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