It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
