Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
