Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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