Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just cut my nipple shaving
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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