I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
