After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
