i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
