turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
