If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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