After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
