i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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