Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
