I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
