Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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