it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
