I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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