i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
