im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
